Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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