It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
