Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
