if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
