i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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