I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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