i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
