Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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