it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
How external is "for external use only"?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
