Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
