I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
