Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it's like iHOP with fire
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
