Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
