her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
