Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
