so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
