just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize