I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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