She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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