why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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