my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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