im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
