Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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