I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Farmville is her only friend.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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