I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
