everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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