I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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