The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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