I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize