wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
