If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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