I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
