You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
