I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My vagina is officially offended.
Randomize
