Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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