I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
