don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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