I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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