my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
