Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
