This is not my ceiling
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
