you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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