mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
