I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
