hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
