i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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