we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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