you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
