omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
