Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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