remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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