oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
