i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
