i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
