Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
