Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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