none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize