I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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