splinters make it hard to masturbate
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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