i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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