It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
