It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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