your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
