You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
