Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
