she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
